In Which The National Conversation Sure Is Complicated

Greetings. I have finally crawled out of bed today for the first time in about sixteen to seventeen hours. Time sure does seem to slip away does it not? Who can keep track of the days when the only thing marking the passage of one to the next is the number of talking heads I am going to see on a "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer" repeat that will be on when I get home from one of my assorted after dusk victory binges? I sure do love to be informed but sometimes information can be hard to digest (or even read for that matter!).

I guess my point is that run on sentences are a lot like policy decisions. The authors cram as much as they possibly can into each one until the point is lost and the audience is uninterested. Thankfully, I being the author of one of these just three sentences previous, I know this technique allows for both as little and as much time to be wasted all at once! Isn't that something?

The audience's time is spent trying to parse the words of men and women who feel no need to have a train of thought. The author's time however was spent at maximum efficiency, churning out as much as a paragraph's worth of information in just one sentence! In the example we find ourselves in at present I the author prevail as instead of wasting time with multiple exclamation points and periods marking the end of each swift and decisive sentence I am free to ignore even the peasant comma (rhythmic little serf that it is) and end my rhetorical triumph no closer to a point than from where I began.

Often times the end of a paragraph is itself confused, as if the author lost track of what they were saying at some point and only ended their thought due to other commitments. Some four sentences ago this resulted in the ambiguity of a question mark. However, let me be clear, this is not a failure to communicate. This is a gesture. This gesture, like many of the conversations we see and hear on television, is to you the audience, and you the audience alone. I have written at length and ended in a question; "What do you think?"

You then will no doubt chat and twitter with pen pals and others about what it is I have asked exactly and, try to remember this part as it is really important, at many points a pause might occur naturally at which you may feel compelled to stop, and in that silence (semicolon's permitting), consider all the information you have just digested.

I caution you dear audience;

IGNORE THIS COMPULSION!!!!!

Run on sentences are the only way to convey a thought or a feeling when nobody really knows what anybody is talking about. This is most of the time. I am a radio personality and I have made my living out of talking without an "off switch." Running water is one of the most soothing sounds in nature and nobody likes a leaky faucet.

So the next time you wish to engage in communication with another guy, gal, or what have you, remember that the best tactic is that of fluidity and confusion, not rhyme or reason. For if rhyme and reason were the fundamental principals governing our universe how would we explain this;



Honestly. What the hell?

Cheers!
Chaz Coolington